We don’t really talk about the postpartum period in regards to the tougher emotional, relational or mental aspects. Sometimes it’s glossed over, sometimes it’s not mentioned at all.
Do we share that our marriages & relationships may shift for a while, that we may wonder what has happened to our life, that we might feel displaced as we experience the big beautiful emotions alongside unfamiliar challenging and hard emotions? Do we share that we might cry more than ever as we feel, discover and experience a stretch and growth like never before while also keeping a teeny tiny human alive?
It’s hard to talk about without sounding negative about the experience, maybe that’s why it’s not broadly shared. Everyone’s experience is very different but as BOTH / AND kind of people, we can hold both the joy and the wonder along with the challenge and the struggle without discounting the impact or beauty within either.
It is a time of becoming. And also of letting go. Letting go of the old and discovering who we’re growing into as we move into Motherhood. And, like most growth in life it can feel uncomfortable (and maybe a bit painful).
It does get clearer, we do emerge, we realise that we are indeed so valuable. There’s more of us and for us beyond this point.
But unlike most advice, I suppose I’d share that the emergence may take some time and come with some growing pains along the way. And that’s okay. Even expected.
It can be a time of hanging in there, taking each moment as it comes, lowering expectations (that we’re not aware exist until they’re not met), forgetting & remembering that communication is really important and simply feeling exhausted. This is also the time to remind ourselves that WE are worth taking care of and instead of losing ourselves in this, we need to make space to choose who we want to become.
This isn’t just for first time Mamas, when other kids join us, we become again. We stretch again. We have to afford ourselves all the kindness & gentleness to grow through it again.
I heard the other day that 1 in 7 women experience postnatal depression & 1 in 5 experience postnatal anxiety. We need to have genuine conversations about motherhood so we don’t feel alone, so that we feel free to be honest, so that we remember that there is strength in asking for help.
Our stories and genuine conversations are important, real life motherhood is full of real life emotions and we need real people around us to let us know they’re walking beside us & have got our backs. (head to cope.org.au for resources if you’re struggling or speak your doctor, you’re worth the effort and worth seeking help for.)
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