I’m over 12 months postpartum and feel like I’m just being re-introduced to my body. I am far from my pre – baby fitness. I am far from my pre – baby weight. My body hasn’t ‘bounced back’. We’re getting to know each other again; Me as I feel like I’m waking up from a bit of a fog and her as she’s still healing and rehabbing. There is mending and moulding, growing and adapting for both of us. Into something new, the next version of us. I’ve reminded myself so many times over the last year that when I feel like a stranger in my body, hating her won’t help. We have to get to know each other again. We have to find our way through this strange feeling, together. It won’t last forever. Of course I remind myself of what my body has done and her amazingness because I truly respect and admire her. It is also true that having a sense of disconnection from her can be really challenging. And that, I think is where a ton of kindness has to come in – the part where we stop ourselves from hating our bodies because we feel different in them. And seeing that BECAUSE of what we’ve been able to do (grow & birth humans), we now start the next chapter together discovering and exploring a new way of being.
I often say it takes me at least a year to find a baseline to start from. It sounds and feels like a long time but I wonder if we all gave ourselves more time, more grace and more understanding during our postpartum experience if we would experience it differently – without putting pressure on our body (& minds) to heal or look a certain way.
It feels like this is the start. Again. We’re deciding what’s working, what feels good and what lights us up. We’ve been together through everything until now, we’ll be together for everything in the future – it’s pretty important we’re each others best friend. We’ll get there, slowly, gently & kindly, together.
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